It is hard to see in yourself what others see in you. Compliments were few and far between in our house growing up. I absolutely do not mean to imply that I didn't feel like my parents loved me or were not proud of me. It was just something that was known and not outwardly expressed I guess. So, when I am complimented, I am not exactly sure what to do or how to process it. It makes me physically uncomfortable and at times nauseous. Lately, I have been trying to understand why I cannot just be happy when someone tells me I am beautiful or smart or even special. Aren't those words every girl longs to hear? Why do they cause such anxiety in me?
Is it because those you love are the ones you long the most to hear say those words? Or perhaps you feel that if those that know you the most do not say you are special how could someone you barely know be right? Or maybe you are just screwed up?
I do not write this because I want pity and definitely not so I can be complimented for it. Surely, there is someone out there that can relate to these feelings and that gives me comfort in knowing I am not alone in my craziness. If nothing else, this blog has been quite cathartic for me. I have embarked on this deep introspective tour of myself and believe it or not, am growing.
I've decided it all boils down to me believing I am truly special. I think we all at one point in our lives believed we were. Maybe I need a jazzy dance routine and a sweet new neon outfit to make me feel that way again. It sure worked as a kid! It will take time and effort to get to that place, but I feel like I can do it.
"I used to think I was special. Only I have proved me wrong." Kendall Payne (Scratch)
Is it because those you love are the ones you long the most to hear say those words? Or perhaps you feel that if those that know you the most do not say you are special how could someone you barely know be right? Or maybe you are just screwed up?
I do not write this because I want pity and definitely not so I can be complimented for it. Surely, there is someone out there that can relate to these feelings and that gives me comfort in knowing I am not alone in my craziness. If nothing else, this blog has been quite cathartic for me. I have embarked on this deep introspective tour of myself and believe it or not, am growing.
I've decided it all boils down to me believing I am truly special. I think we all at one point in our lives believed we were. Maybe I need a jazzy dance routine and a sweet new neon outfit to make me feel that way again. It sure worked as a kid! It will take time and effort to get to that place, but I feel like I can do it.
"I used to think I was special. Only I have proved me wrong." Kendall Payne (Scratch)
2 comments:
The other day my husband said "I'm glad you don't cringe when I tell you that you are beautiful. Remember when you hated hearing that?"
I can certainly relate. It feels so weird to hear those words that you longed for as a child, but hearing them as an adult it's just awkward and weird.
You, my friend, are beautiful inside and out. <3
It is the weirdest thing huh? It shouldn't be, but it is nonetheless.
Thank you Sarah. It doesn't weird me out when you say it. LOL
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