Deservedness

There is no word in the english language I loathe more than the word "deserve." It has become so overused, so much so that I would love to permanantly remove it from the dictionary.  It makes me cringe.   I do understand varying worth ethics and wanting to be awarded recognition for your hard work.  I still feel there are better words than deserve.  It's such a selfish word.  Why are we so quick to say we deserve something over another?  Is there, no doubt, someone else out there more deserving than us?  Everytime I use the word, it makes me feel like I'm wishing misery on someone else.  If I look at the big picture, I don't feel like I deserve anything in life. I'm grateful for what I have and have been given.  Nothing is owed me, nor am I entitled to it because I want it or someone else has it and I don't.
At least I try to remember this....

Empathy

To be able to put yourself in someone else's shoes is beyond powerful and is the key to understanding.  Without understanding there is no knowledge.  In a world full of tragedy, it is bound to have a profound effect on our emotions.  We can't just bury our heads in the sand or dismiss what we see as irrelevant to us, since much of it may not directly affect our lives.  But lives are affected.  Our fellow man is suffering.  Cultivating empathy requires of us the attitude that when someone else is hurting, so are we.  I think we live in a world of self-entitlement, where we are told that we deserve to feel good all the time.  Unfortunately, that is not in the cards for the vast majority.  We should strive to feel what they feel, see how they see, no matter how painful.  We may not have the means to make their lives better, but being less quick to judge someone for their circumstances, offering a listening ear or just sharing a smile really can make a difference.  And maybe it won't, but we will be better for it.

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Honesty

As I've gotten older, honesty is a quality that I value most in a person.   When you are a child, I think you like people to "tickle your ears," so to speak, because criticism is an absolute devastation at that age. Ironically, it is the time in our lives when we are probably the most honest with people.

Why, now, are we so afraid of truth?  Are we really protecting the other person or ourselves?  Or are we protecting an image of ourselves?  Shouldn't we all, in our adulthood, be able to handle honesty, no matter how brutal? 

Honesty makes us vulnerable and I think that terrifies us.  Vulnerability shouldn't be feared, but rather embraced.  It is the only authentic state. It is what makes us human.

What is Beauty?

"Beauty is not real.  Beauty only exists in perception"

 It makes sense. Our brain is responsible for controling what we see.  Visual perception begins as soon as the eye focuses light onto the retina.  Then, cells convert light into signals and send them through our optic nerve to the brain to be interpreted and processed.  Our brain then judges what is before us.   Few have the ability to see clearly what is before them.   Despite our loved ones having good intentions in our upbringing, we were no doubt influenced by their opinions.  I'd like to not say corrupting our minds, but in a way, yes.  With both good and bad.  Unless we have had a completely isolated existence, there is no way that all of our opinions materialized on their own.  Prejudices were in turn formed, becoming spots and scratches on our "lenses," so to speak. Then, as we grow up we have to deal with an even more distructive influence, society.  It's like someone is sent around to try to chisel patterns onto each and every single person's lenses, so that we all see things exactly the same.   The amount of damage varies, but few get away completely unscathed.

It doesn't mean we cannot change or make repairs to our spectacles.  We can become conscious of this flaw within us and begin to see all people as beautiful.  Every color, scar, freckle, shape, age and size.    Who decided what is beautiful anyways?  If someone makes you feel good, isn't that beautiful? 

Fear

I've thought a lot about fear in the last few months.  I'm not sure at what point in my life I became so afraid.  Most things worry me, as I always imagine a "worst case scenario," but there are really only a couple of things that truly terrify me.  I still will try most anything once, within reason.  If you dare me to do something, I will probably do it.  I've always been that way, so that has not changed.  Fear of rejection however has.  In 7th grade I remember calling a guy up and singing "I swear" to him and then asking him out.  Shockingly, he turned me down.  It didn't bother me.  I laughed it off.  Now, I'm too terrified to even let someone know I'm into them, so instead I act like I barely notice.  I know how dumb that sounds.  I'm sure I give off the vibe that I'm stuck up or don't like them. I don't let anyone close to enough to hurt me.  In the past I have been the one who always made the first move, and I've either ended up hurt or being completely off base.

I have done this for the last time.  I learned recently that the feeling of rejection is so much easier to deal with than the constant wondering of whether that person liked you back.  It's incredibly difficult to move on when you are stuck on the possibility that there could still be a chance.  Be brave, say what you feel, so you can move on, either with him or not.