I've thought a lot about fear in the last few months. I'm not sure at what point in my life I became so afraid. Most things worry me, as I always imagine a "worst case scenario," but there are really only a couple of things that truly terrify me. I still will try most anything once, within reason. If you dare me to do something, I will probably do it. I've always been that way, so that has not changed. Fear of rejection however has. In 7th grade I remember calling a guy up and singing "I swear" to him and then asking him out. Shockingly, he turned me down. It didn't bother me. I laughed it off. Now, I'm too terrified to even let someone know I'm into them, so instead I act like I barely notice. I know how dumb that sounds. I'm sure I give off the vibe that I'm stuck up or don't like them. I don't let anyone close to enough to hurt me. In the past I have been the one who always made the first move, and I've either ended up hurt or being completely off base.
I have done this for the last time. I learned recently that the feeling of rejection is so much easier to deal with than the constant wondering of whether that person liked you back. It's incredibly difficult to move on when you are stuck on the possibility that there could still be a chance. Be brave, say what you feel, so you can move on, either with him or not.
4 comments:
Testify! Learning that rejection will not kill you and that life goes along much better if you just take that leap--that is a valuable lesson.
Anyway, if I were single ... and a guy ... and not intimidated by your mad karaoke skills ... I'd totally stalk you.
Thanks Evelyn. I would happily leave my blinds open for you ;) Mad karaoke skills-Pshhhh!
Nice thoughts. Being through a broken marriage, it's impossible to be happy and fulfilled in relationships without allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. A mate has the ability to bring us more happiness and joy than anyone. They also have the power to hurt us deeper than anyone else. No matter how much it hurts to endure this, I know that I wouldn't want to live life without having someone in my life to make me feel those things. I sympathise with your thoughts, that it doesn't pay to be completely gaurded, because you can never experience that joy without risking the pain.
"it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all" That's what they say right? I agree Kenneth. Being vulnerable is scary. It is so much easier to close ourselves off and build up a wall. Those walls we put up block out the good as well. I'm learning. I love the quote "I'd rather have one moment of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special." Nice sentiment
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